THIN

"I'm really scared of being independent and being responsible and being on my own... Your mind is consumed with all these negative thoughts about yourself... I'm just not happy"
"There's way too much time to think about things that overwhelm me. What I'm supposed to be doing, what I want to do, what I can't do."
- Shelly from THIN (BOOK & MOVIE)
How do I relate to these quotes?
I'm scared shitless of being on my own, my depression plays a major role in that. What if I "think" I'm doing well and I stop taking my medication and then I get suicidal and am too scared to ask for help?
I don't mind being responsible to an extent but what if I fail? I beat myself up enough as it is I don't want to fail. what does being responsible mean to me? Doing things that you should do to get you to where you want to be... Independent I do want to be independent yet it is so scary for me. How am I going to afford my medical bills afford rent and utilities and all the other stuff that is provided by parents that we don't even realize that they provide for us? I don't wanna get out there then realize that I'm unable to be independent, and end up moving back home.
What I'm supposed to be doing... Working full time, going to school, looking forward to be on my own.
What I want to do... I want to be happy, have a social life, go out into the world and experience it by the handfuls and be successful in what I decide to do for a career.
What I can't do... I feel I can't do a lot of things my peers do cuz of my depression and cuz of my anxiety. It sucks I dunno how to overcome these feelings.

Brittany says "I just want it off, I just want it off... I have a double chin again," as she's pulling at her skin.
Brittany also says... "But there are so many thin girls and I'm not one of them, and I can't take it anymore. I'm sort of thinking that i hate me. I've always been overweight and I'm never going to be thin. I was always the ______ fat kid, and I'm sick of it. I'm so sick of this. I want to be thin, I want to be thin, I want to be thin."
How do I relate with Brittany?
I just want it off - there have been times I've threatened to take a knife and cut off my fat, I told one of my counselors this and she sent me to the ER to be evulated for the psyche ward, I didn't get admitted.
I'm sick of it. I'm so sick of this. I want to be thin, I want to be thin, I want to be thin. - I workout to the point I'm vomiting, I'm only eating fruits and veggies I've cut out mean, I'm not enjoying food like I should I'm sick of that... I'm frustrated the number on the scale is not going down. I want to be thin.

"Only we can turn our views around... There may be days that we don't want to get out of bed, or don't want to go on, but we've got to give it everything we've got."
-Alisa from THIN
This touched me cuz there really are days I just don't wanna function, I just want to lay in bed all day long. WHO CARES??? But we gotta look for the positive, if we have to Play the GLAD GAME, give everything we have to not let this damn depression or whatever we're fighting that day overcome us.

Jen from THIN says this (go grab your box of tissues, it makes me cry)
"God damn, i would have enjoyed so many things I looked back at 12 years and said, "what do I
remember?" I remember sitting at tables, I remember going to Thanksgiving dinners with prepackaged meals for me and sit at the table with other people eating my food while everybody else was enjoying Thanksgiving. It was Embarrassing and it was shameful and not I'm 28 and I'm a little girl with no period. And my boyfriend said to me "I want to spend the rest of my life with you, but at the rate we're going I'm going to have to bury you in five years""
Who wants this for a life? I don't but I see myself heading in that direction, cuz of how badly I want to be THIN!!!

Alisa says that she has watched someone die, it's not a pleasant sight and she can't imagine losing a child. She says to Brittany "I mean, try thinking of your mother she wanted you to have life and now you're just ending it cuz you want to be thin."
Alisa's son is everything to her and when he was 2 she used him to feed her disorder, she would say "gotta give Josh a bath, gotta give Josh a bath," then she'd turn him around for him to play with his toys while she purged down the toilette. Alisa has miscarried due to bulimia.
Alisa doesn't watch TV, seen any movies, has no friends, the only thing that matters is getting on the scale and getting off the scale, going for a run then getting on the scale and getting off the scale, changing her clothes 7x before leaving the house the eating disorder is the only thing that matters.
So why go down this road????
THIN THIN THIN!!!!