I've had bills I needed to pay from my suicide attempt in August of 2010. My dad paid all but one off, the one that had not been paid off, my dad was making $100 payments once a month in 2011... I stilled owed a lot of money on that bill and with no job to pay the bill down I had no idea what to do... and I've been looking for employment since April 2010. so I filed for finical assistant... I ended up getting full charity on the remanding balance. It feels so good to not have that debt hanging over mine and my family's head.
I'm working on stepping out of my shell and it's been hard but I'm doing it little by little. I went to a New Years Eve dance by myself. I did leave early and I was beating myself up for coming home early. Then one of my best friends called me and wished me a happy birthday and asked what I did for new years eve... I told her I went to a dance on my own but I felt horrible for leaving early. my friend said to me that she wouldn't have gone if she had to go on her own, and she told me she was proud of me for taking the step out of my comfort zone that evening. When i heard her say I stopped beating myself up and focused more on I did step out of my comfort zone and focused on the positive I did.
I have a long way to go before I'm able to talk in front of others freely, and comfortably. I tend to hide in myself and keep to myself in groups of my peers. I am more motivated to step out of my shell/comfort zone cuz I can feel the happiness it gives me, compared to when I hide in myself it's more depressing, and I want to be happy, I am enjoying my happiness and I want to stay happy so if coming out of my shell is going to help me with my happiness I'm so motivated to step out of that shell I've been hiding in my whole life.
Last month I went in to an interview at the D.I. and I got the job but I had to wait 2 - 3 months before I could start for an opening. well 1 month later (this past Wednesday) I get a call asking if I'm still interested in the job. I jumped with joy. I've finally have a job... it's a temporary job, but it's a job that's suppose to help me gain the skills needed for the work place, skills to speak up and voice my concerns, to help me become more employable in this job market, help me gain confidence, and help me realize that I can figure out a solution to a problem or concern or question. I'm so thankful to finally have a job.
I hope things keep going well... and that I can continue to grow with confidence and happiness.
