I HATE GOING TO BED... WHY?

During the day I can keep busy enough that my mind does not wonder and if it does I just start texting or cleaning but bed time... if i clean I'd wake people up. I write but that does not always help cuz i don't always know how to express myself at night. I want to scream, cry, pull my hair out, hurt myself in some way, something just to get the thoughts outta my head.
What keeps me feeling the anxiety? $$$ I have no money. zilch! My dad just bought me a car $500 and he's gonna make a list of how much money i owe him. Medication cost money $50 for my anti-depressants $25 for my stabilizer to help so i more stable and don't have bad anxiety $5 for anti-anxiety pills $5 for my sleeping pills
Then to meet with the gal that gives me medication advice and prescribes them its $131 to meet with her for just 30 minz. Then I need to get a life coach (councilor) and that's gonna cost a lot of money and I need to see the life coach weekly. HOW THE HELL AM I TO MAKE IT ON MY OWN IF WHEN I DO MAKE MONEY ALL MY MONEY GOES TO MEDICAL????
My weight, I'll lay in bed plan out my day, my intake, my workouts, what i will and what i will not allow myself to eat. I've gained so much weight it's hard to go up the stairs... well not now since i've been losing weight. It's just so frustrating.
Friends... I have 3 close friends 1 is married and the other two are parents. I had one friend I use to do things with but she's dropped me. I don't know what i did or what or why. I feel alone I have no social life. don't get me wrong I do love the friends i do have but I wanna have friends that are not tied down.
And I have trouble with a guy. Thought he was my friend turned out he mentally manipulated me. Used me... I'm working on breaking off ties with him, yet I still care for him. and that makes it hard. I get so much anxiety when I see him around I've gone and vomited from the anxiety. I have guilt for letting him manipulate me cuz in my patriarchal blessing it warned me about guys like him, and i didn't realize what was going on until it was too late.
That's just part of what keeps me up at night.