I wanna be more profound

I wish I could express what I would like to say in a more profound way. I want others to be in awe as they read what I’ve written. I just want to be the best; I want everyone to look forward to my blog posts… I want to feel important (don't get me wrong I know I am important but I want to FEEL important)

 I am a member of The Church Of Jesus Christ Of Latter Day Saints (LDS aka Mormon).  We believe we can be an eternal family as long as we keep the commandments, Marry in the temple (house of the lord), and be as Christ like as we can.  If you're a member or are familiar with the principals we live by you'll probably understand what I'm saying better than those who don't know anything about Mormons.

I feel as though I'm too flawed to live with my family again. Too flawed for a guy to want to marry me. Too flawed to even enter the house of the lord.  (we need a temple recommend (be approved) to go to the temple, but anyone can enter the church).   

Well the reason I'm writing this is because I read a book and in the book this girl had a near death experience and she was just embraced by this peace the love of the lord. She was able to see her sister and grandma who had both passed away.  Then I watched I Survived Beyond and Back and the people talked about how they were surrounded by this peace the love of the lord. And I feel too flawed I feel as though I'll never get that, that I won't be able to live with my family again.  That I won't feel the love of the lord.  I can't find the strength to forgive myself for what happened. If I can't forgive myself how can someone else forgive me? 

I love my family so much I wanna be with them in the hear after.  I wanna feel the peace and love from the lord.  I need to forgive before... I dunno if I can do that.  

I wanna be happy, I wanna be whole, I wanna feel peace like I've never felt before.

I went to counseling today and was told to get this book... He Did Deliver Me From Bondage (This best-selling book is about awakening — becoming a whole new creature in Christ by putting God first, ridding one's self of pride, and developing a relationship with God that is closer and sweeter than any other. It's about being delivered from the bondage of lies, recovered by the Spirit of Truth, Jesus Christ.) Use this book along with Using the Book of Mormon and the Principles of the Gospel of Jesus Christ as they correlate with the Twelve-Step program to overcome compulsive/addictive behavior and other problems we deal with (anorexia, binge eating, sexual abuse, abuse in general, alcohol etc).