I hate the memories

I was thinking about him today.
In 2005 it started... I didn't want anything to do with it.
I made a promise to him...

I should have gone back on the promise.
But I felt I had to keep it.
He said things...
Which made me feel guilty if I said NO later on
I didn't want any of this.
I tried to end it.
I didn't know how to end it.
I started to numb myself.
I didn't know how to stop it.
In 2006 I cried.
I told.
I tried to end it all.
Numb myself to the end

We didn't talk.
He said Sorry.
I  believed him.
Fall of 2006 we became "friends" again.
I tried to end it. 
I didn't know how to end it.
We talked.
He hurt me.
We talked more.
He hurt me more.
2010 I finally told
Changed my number.
We have not spoken.
          ...
I feel so much hatred for myself.
Why did I let him get to me the way he did?
I should have known better.
I hate myself for being friends with him.
I hate myself for getting to know his friends.
I hate myself for being weak.
I hate myself for being naive.
But hating myself won't change the past.
I wish I could just move on and forget about him.
I hate him but
I hate me more.