I am just sitting here with my "puppy" (I don't think she's considered a puppy anymore but I guess how like our parents will call us their babies even when we're 18 or whatever age, that's how I view my dog. She'll always be my little puppy.) and I'm feeling this surge of anxiety. Oh yippy =)
I'm looking for a job, I'm wanting to work graveyard, cuz I'd feel most comfortable doing graveyard work schedule. I can't think of any excuses to not work a job all night, but during day time hours I can come up with excuse after excuse after excuse.
My sister A and I fight a lot... (my sister M is the sister I put photos up in the last blog) we are too much alike in some areas and it causes us to bicker a lot. She is holding things against me things I did when I was younger and didn't fully know better. My grandma said to me that I just need to grow up, or one day A and I will tear the family apart. It hurts, cuz I feel like I'm the one to blame. When i fight with my sister (verbally fight, I don't do physical fighting) it's cuz I want to prove I'm right... and she has to prove she's right. So I guess you could say we're both too prideful to walk away peacefully. But it is not all my fault that we fight. So Sunday we are not fully getting along but not yelling either... she's treating me like I'm in her way... like she owns the place and I should know better and stay away. so I ended up leaving the house and went to my grandma's just so I didn't have to deal with her, and two we wouldn't fuel each other into a fight. Well when I got home I see my shoes where they weren't before... My sister had the nerve to taking my shoes without my permission after she treated me like I was in her way. UGH it ticks me off that she thinks she has the right to do that... if she would have asked I would have most likely let her even if I didn't want her to.
...I dunno... I'm depressed.... I'm tired... I'm irritable...
I've been feeling conflicted lately, cuz I need to please other people... My dad is telling me to not give in to pleasing other people and set aside time for myself. Something i need to do if I'm going to conquer my binging habits. It's miserable living with binging but I don't have the tools to change it on my own. So I gotta stop pleasing other people and go to this group I said I'd go to.
REPLIES
ZERO - I also tell myself if so and so can do this/that then I can too. I think it can help us to achieve goals when we try to do as well as someone else or better, cuz it gives you something to work towards.
CAliChica - Have faith in yourself, and imagine yourself doing the jump... I hear that's one way to help you achieve a goal like a jump like my sister can do.... and be open to advice from other people and put what they say into action and you'll have that jump down. I took dance class at high school and I also took dance outside of high school... I miss it. But I'm glad you're able to dance, even if it's just a class you're taking in high school.
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