I need friends that'll support me, encourage me, not put me down and call me a liar.
I don't have any insurance, and I feel my anti depressants are not working at all. So I'm really emotional. I need new meds, meds that work... or they need to up my dosage or something. Cuz I don't want to feel this way any longer. (If the doc's won't do that... I'm just going to all together stop taking my meds) I also feel my family could care less if I'm able to go to the doc and get help, so I feel why should I care if my family doesn't care?
I texted a friend telling her that I was feeling weak. She asked if I had ate, I told her that I haven't. So then she tells me that's why my body is fatigued and it has nothing to burn to give you energy. So I let her know I'm tired of caring. So then she says to me, then how do you expect anyone of your friends to care? Then I said I don't expect them to care. I feel like no one cares anymore so why should I? Then she said you know I care about you as my friend, but this new found F**k the world attitude that you have is wearing me out to no extent. So I say I'm sorry. Then she tells me, Don't say your sorry if you have no intention of changing it and giving a F**K about yourself like me and your friends. Because if you say you're sorry and don't change you're a liar.
Sorry I feel that way. I didn't mean to offend her, ware her out. I don't want to feel the way I'm feeling, if I could change it *snap* I would, but I can't, not alone. Now I'm feeling like I need to keep all my feeling to myself. I might as well go off the deep end if I'm not allowed to talk, and if I'm not allowed to talk, how are people going to help me? Talking helps... I'm just going to delete her off my friends cuz I don't need to put up with friends like that.
Just because I'm going through a rough time does not mean that I don't care about anyone anymore. I love my friends online and in person and I want all my friends to be happy. Right now it's my friends and the love I feel from Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ that are giving me the little strength I have to keep pushing forward.
makes perfect sense to me! It sucks when "friends" turn out to be something different then you expected, but you are stronger than you know for recognizing it. Being able to see a problem is the first step towards changing things. You keep on keepin on and you will get somewhere that feels better. (((HUGS)))
ReplyDeleteJust found your blog and felt compelled to comment--
ReplyDeleteDepression is something that people who don't suffer from it, don't understand. You make perfect sense to me - the not caring, but being sorry for not caring. So many times I've fallen into depression and wanted to feel differently, but couldn't. If I were you I wouldn't stay quiet though, f*ck the friends who don't get it and call you a liar for not "snapping out of it". Keep talking about how you are feeling to find the friends who get it, or are willing to help anyway. good luck.