I'm losing it.
I am on Wellbutrin (Bupropion), Lamictal (Lamotrigine),Oleptro (Trazodone), and Ambien (Zolpidem). The Ambien is for sleep... thing is I'm not sure how well it's working. The other three medications I am on are for depression and for stabilizing my mood. Yet I'm so emotional. I don't even want to function. I don't want to feel. I am tired. I want to scream and cry. I don't know how to do this. I don't have any insurance, and I don't know what to do. I look and look for things that'll help me out so I can get on meds and go to the doctor. But that requires getting a new doctor all together. I've changed doctors so many times, I'm tired of changing doctors. I'm debating on just stopping all my medication all together. Yet I know if I end up stopping my medications I'll just go down hill until I'm DONE, and I'm already feeling like I'm ready to just be done.
I don't know how to ask for help cuz the people I ask for help just push my thoughts aside telling me to be busy. Damn it if that worked my problems would be solved but it doesn't work. I still feel like a failure, waste of space. So why do I keep fighting this if no one is going to take me seriously?
I'm fed up with eating. I binge eat... I'd say I suffer from Binge Eating Disorder (BED). I want it to stop... yet it continues and continues and continues... I want help for the eating, it's impossible for me to just eat what is recommended, If it were that easy I would. Thus I need help. No one freaking cares. I'm done caring, if no one else is going to care.
I care, love. I'm praying for you <3
ReplyDeleteI care, I will always care. <3
ReplyDeleteI'm not going to tell you what to do medication wise, but I went off my anti-depressants, and now I'm just a raging bitch, who cries sometimes rather than the numb emotionless bitch I was on my meds, or the psycho crazy raging bitch I was before them. I hated that I knew the drugs were working when I felt numb. It really hit me when I couldn't cry at my aunt's funeral.
But like I said, your choice, gotta do what's right for you.
You are just as important and worthwhile as any other single person. You are not the sum of how much other people care about you (something you don't control), but rather the sum of how much you care about yourself (something you do control). Nothing is hopeless, you just need to keep putting one foot in front of the other, and you will get somewhere.
ReplyDeleteI care :) You can email me anytime midnitefyrfly@gmail.com