To whom it may concern
First I'd like to say SORRY. SORRY for being WEAK. SORRY for not being STRONG enough to STOP you. SORRY that I didn't let an adult know what was going on.
I've thought of some reasons why I may not have told...
1. When this happened the first time I told and it ruined his younger sister friendship with my sisters.
2. Age difference, I should have been able to stop you.
3. Fear of no one believing me
4. And fear of others just writing this off like it was no big deal.
... But the fact of the matter is I didn't tell. And I'm truly SORRY I didn't tell.
Now I want you to try to understand how I feel. I HATE my BODY. I feel like guys look at me and think of me as an OBJECT, not a person with feelings. I AM A PERSON AND I DO HAVE FEELINGS. I DO MATTER. I feel uncomfortable around guys... I don't TRUST them. I don't want to OPEN up just to get HURT. I don't want any guy to want me in a sexual way, even my future husband... I don't want that. It's just degrading to me. And I don't wanna feel degraded or dirty or hate myself even worse than I already do.
You were one of my BEST FRIENDS and I TRUSTED YOU. You betrayed that trust. Asking... well BEGGING sometimes even threatening me until I gave in... and there were times you just wouldn't take NO as an answer.
I don't have good coping skills. And with all the hurt and pain I deal with everyday I take it out on me with negative coping skills.
Cutting.
Numbing myself with pills and with purging
Why did you hurt me?
Why did you use me?
Why did you lie to me?
Did you get what you wanted?
For some reason I keep thinking to myself... YOU WIN!!!! I don't know what I mean by that, but YOU WIN!!!
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